You should examine why you think that DEI is "punitive". You shouldn't expect someone who's been harmed by your use of power to respond in a comforting way, let alone forgive you. Expecting gentle reactions to DEI mistakes is tone policing.

"Punitive" is a particularly dangerous choice of words, as "punitive" typically describes the actions of someone holding relative power, whereas DEI mistakes are about a person harmfully leveraging power dynamics — so how would the other party take "punitive" actions? Justifiably recommending that folks from their community avoid a harmful person? That's not punitive.

If you're referring to "canceling" discourse, you should read more about that. It's complicated, but "punitive" isn't the right word. I think you're expressing fear around how folks may respond to your mistakes — but please also think about how folks fear the impact of *your* mistakes.